How did I get here?

Okay not literally how did I get here on earth, but how did I get to this place in my life. Let me just start by saying, or blogging rather, that I have a great life.  I have been married since I was a baby, 19 years old to be exact.  My life prior to marriage wasn't ideal, but no one's is and I have dealt with those demons, or at least that's what I tell myself.  

So why blog and why now?  Well I have come to a crossroads in my life where I am both disgusted with myself and in a place I am serious about doing something to change.  I am blogging because it's cathartic for me and I hope that someone finds what I blog about helpful in someway.

In my personal life am a pretty quiet and introverted.  I like to socialize with my family, friends and colleagues, but I don't go out of my way to insert myself in social situations.  I am happy minding my business and living my life.  You are probably wondering about the disgust with myself I mentioned earlier....  

I WEIGH 240 LBS (yea I said it and put it out there for the world to see) and I am disgusted that I let myself get here.  

I am roughly 5'8" and I haven't always weighed this much.  When I got married I weighed 156lbs. I was young and active and never really thought a lot about my weight or trying to maintain it.  As the years passed I packed on the weight, although I was fairly active and exercised often.  I have yo-yo dieted for years and tried every diet under the sun. I have lost a lot of weight only to gain it back plus some.  Prior to having my son, I weighed 193 pounds, I gained a lot of weight during that pregnancy.  Once the scaled tipped 254lbs I asked the doctor not to let me see my weight.  After I had my son, I had some complications that caused me to not eat, in less than 6 months I was down to 186lbs and I was happy about it. After I was treated for the complications associated with that pregnancy my weight avalanched and I was teetering between 230-240lbs.  With my second child I unintentionally maintained a healthy weight gain for that pregnancy.  I only gained 23lbs and within a year I was back down to 236 lbs, which was my pre pregnancy weight.  

So here I am now, almost 4 years and as many diets later, 240lbs.  For the last three years (while still dieting) I have been researching weight-loss surgery.  I have went to several weight-loss surgery seminars and have settled on a doctor and a procedure.  At this point I am one week away from a different me.  I have chosen the gastric sleeve procedure and today I had a pre-operative EGD completed.  Don't be fooled, I do not expect a quick fix to my obesity. However, I do expect that this procedure will be the tool I need to make better choices and live a healthier, longer life.

I don't like how I look or how I feel physically and more importantly I want to be healthy and set a good example for my kids. So support me on my journey or not, this is my freak show and I get to run it my way.